I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
