You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need a beard to bite.
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