i permit you to call me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
