is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
