I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There r osticjed everywhere
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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