Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
