I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
