ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize