There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
