i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
