Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
