My sheets look like a crime scene.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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