i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I haven't been this sober since birth.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
