I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Randomize
