you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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