No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
