I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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