I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
