yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
