Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize