Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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