If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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