i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
