Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize