My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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