i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
