Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she peed on how many people?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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