If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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