What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
