come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
