I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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