so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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