apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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