i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
