He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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