Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
