I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
