in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
