it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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