So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
In other news, I just burned my penis
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
