She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
