thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
