how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
