Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I understand Curling. That high.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
