ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
