I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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