The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
