idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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