Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm both gender and math confused
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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