All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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