the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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