no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
