Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
