Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
