It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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