I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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