I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
