i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
