no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
