I could have mohawked her pubes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
