the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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