Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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