Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
