My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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