Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
