Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
