I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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