i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize