I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Pooping to opera.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
