My first STD was from a foam party
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
