you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize