it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
