i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
