I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize