who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
