I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
