found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
