Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
